What is your date of birth?

July fifteen.

What year?

Every year.

This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

Yes.

And in what ways does it affect your memory?

I forget.

You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

How old is your son, the one living with you?

Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

How long has he lived with you?

Forty-five years.

By the Court: Is there any reason why you couldn't serve as a juror in this case?

By a Potential Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.

The Court: Can't they do without you at work?

Potential Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know that.

Courtroom Humor

Nee Ner, Nee Ner, I know you are but what am I? In what has become known as the "Rampart Corruption Scandal" involving four Los Angeles police officers working out of the Rampart division who were allegedly involved in a variety of illegal activity. Former officer, Rafael Perez, agreed to turn state's evidence and testify against the four officers for a more lenient sentence in his cocaine theft conviction. During the trial, the two prosecutors and four defense attorneys were often at odds with each other. On October 26, 2000, after the prosecution declined to disclose their next witness until after lunch, tempers exploded in the courtroom with defense attorney Harland Braun labeling the two prosecutors as "pond scum" and a "moron." Emerging from the courtroom, prosecutor Anne Ingalls encountered defense attorney Barry Levin and the following ensued:

By Attorney Ingalls: Your buddy is in there calling us "morons" and "pond scum!"

By Attorney Levin: Oh Yeah! Which one are you?

By the Court: You may call your next witness.

By Defendant's Attorney: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat [opposing counsel] on the head with his client's deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Defendant's Attorney: No, Sir. I mean to swat him on the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition "for any purpose" and that's the purpose I want to use it for.

The Court: Well, it does say that.

Quiet pause.

The Court: There being no objection, you may proceed.

Defendant's Attorney: Thank you, Judge.

Thereafter, Defendant's attorney swatted plaintiff's attorney on the head with the deposition.

By Plaintiff's Attorney (the victim): But Judge ...

The Court: Next witness.

Plaintiff's Attorney: ... We object.

The Court: Sustained. Next witness.

By Plaintiff's Attorney: What doctor treated you for the injuries you sustained while at work?

By Plaintiff: Dr. Johnson.

Plaintiff's Attorney: And what kind of physician is Dr. Johnson?

Plaintiff: Well, I'm not sure, but I do remember that you said he was a good plaintiff's doctor.

By the Court: Is there any reason why you couldn't serve as a juror in this case?

By a Potential Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.

The Court: Can't they do without you at work?

Potential Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know that.

By Attorney: When he went -- had you gone -- and had she -- if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go -- gone also -- would he have brought you -- meaning you and she -- with him to the station?

By Opposing Counsel: Objection your Honor! That question ought to be taken out and shot.

By Defendant's Attorney: Tell me what you were like from age 17 to the present. What have your feelings been about having kids?

By Plaintiff: I wanted to pursue an education and then meet the perfect person and be married a couple years, save some money, buy a house, and start a family.

Defendant's Attorney: When did that change?

Plaintiff: Well --

By Plaintiff's Attorney: -- or did that change?

By Plaintiff: -- It didn't.

By Defendant's Attorney: I think we all realize that as we get older, we're not going to marry the perfect person.

By Plaintiff's Attorney: My wife did.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.


Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30pm
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?


Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.


Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?



Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


THANKS VERY MUCH...................

:)