Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride. The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one. "Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he craps on you!"

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

WHILE shopping at a supermarket, I noticed a young man staring at a very attractive young woman. I watched as he approached her and looked over her shoulder at her shopping list. She turned, startled. "Sorry!" he said. "I was just looking to see if I was on your list of things to pick up."

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

A WOMAN who works for the state of Louisiana got a call from a man who paused when she told him the name of her agency. He then asked her to repeat it. "It's the Governor's Office for Elderly Affairs," she told him again. There was another pause. "For gosh sakes, sign me up," he said. "I didn't do too well when I was young."

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

THE clerk of the village of Wardsville, Ont., received a letter containing the following request: "... The Culture and Recreation subcommittee of the Association of Municipalities of Ontario suggested that it would be appropriate to write to all the municipal clerks and ask each of them to submit a short brief or letter concerning the Arts in their municipality - how are they regarded, how are they funded, what effect do they have on the life or the economy of the municipality, and so on." The clerk replied: Dear Sir: Reference your letter requesting information on the Arts in our municipality. We are pleased to advise that we have four: Art Harold Art Morgan Art Marks Art Sweet They are all extremely well regarded in the community. They are mostly funded by Old Age Security Pension and Canada Pension, and all contribute to the economy of the municipality in their day-to-day living.

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

A man and his wife arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, but were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As they watched from the passenger's side, the guy instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," the man announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

AT A high-school faculty meeting, the principal had presented an agonizing list of our sins, failures, flaws and transgressions, and we were all feeling rather tense. Then the principal announced that the science club project would be a blood drive, and that in order to promote faculty participation he would donate the first pint of blood.

The meeting burst into laughter when a voice from the back of the room demanded anxiously, "Whose?"

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

THE high-school science class was checking over a test they had taken. Commenting on one item, the teacher remarked, "This question was designed to make you think!" From the back of the class came, "Trick question! Trick question!"

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

ON HER first day of teaching, a young woman was introducing herself to her Grade I class, telling the children she hoped they'd all soon get to know each other better. As she spoke, she backed up against the blackboard map, which rolled up like a window shade and pulled her skirt clear up past her waist. The class was very quiet as she struggled to get her skirt down again. Then one little boy broke the silence by saying, in a loud voice, "We know you better already."

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "fascinate." Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was Fascinated." The teacher said, "good, but I wanted the word "fascinate." Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Billy said, "My teacher has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only "fasten 8."

Educators and Teachers By Clifford

According to a recent news report, a certain private school in Victoria was facing a unique problem.

A number of Year 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Each night the cleaners would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something needed to be done about this. She called all the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the cleaner.

The principal explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the cleaners each night. To show how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the cleaner to demonstrate.

The cleaner took out a long handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet and then proceeded to clean the mirrors with it. Since then there have been no more lip prints on the mirror.

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

A POSTER in a London subway advertising a typing-error corrector was headlined: NOBODY'S PERFCT. Right underneath, someone had written: SPEAK FOR YOURSLEF

Bhagawath Chandrashekar, affectionately called as Chandra. He was one of the finest Leg Spinners of all times And In his Era, Erapalli Prasanna, Bish Bedi, And Srinivasan Venkatraghavan =- till a few years ago An Umpire of Par Excellence in the I C C Panel. These four formed the famous Spin Quartet in the 1960s - 1980s.

During the tour of New Zealand, In an Era of home umpires officiating, New Zealand Umpires were Notorious for biased umpiring. Well Chandra got the bats man caught, not out declared Umpire, then Chandra bowled a superb delivery to have the batsman caught napping plumb in front of the woicket, Still Not out declared the Umpire. Then Chandra got one past through the gate and into to the wicket, Clean Bowled ; Still Chandra Turned round and appealed " Howzzat, Umpire ", Umpire said, he is bowled. Pat responded the Soft Spoken Chandra, " Yes I know, But Is He Out? "Umps was stumped. Gently and Subtly made a point to the Umpire.

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece.

One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?"

Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!"

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!


A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had and affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.".....

Just as the priest finished his talk, the republican senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Bizarre or funny things that really have happened!

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F--- you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The crowd applauded - and the errors of United were forgotten in a moment of almost universal bliss.