Free drinks.

Free dinners.

Free movies (you got the point).

You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.

You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.

You know The Truth about whether size matters.

New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.

You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.

If you have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, you're not the devil.

Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.

If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.

It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower (unless your military).

You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.

If you cheat on your spouse, people assume it's because you're being emotionally neglected.

You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.

No one passes out when you take off your shoes.

If you forget to shave, no one has to know.

You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her butt.

If you have a zit, you can conceal it.

You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.

If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.

You have the ability to dress yourself.

You have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If you're wearing cologne, you don't have to pretend it's aftershave.

You'll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.

You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.

You can quickly end any fight by crying.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

You'll never regret piercing your ears.


You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

You don't have hair on your back.

You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.